I wasn’t even going to start like this, but I did anyways.

I sat here for about 2 hours last night trying to create something cool and funny for a nice ‘lil intro to the ‘sphere. And it was choppy and kind of all over the place, and I figured I’d draw a connect to why I’m even saying that in hopes to inspire other people to write. I have a lot on my mind! That’s it, that was my problem. I guess sometimes for me, when I have too much to say I can’t even begin. Or maybe I just needed to get some sleep. Either way, ya knah whah ahh sayh ehn?

I’ll give a quick little tip of the tip on why I started this, and then I’ll tell y’all some funny stuff. Bare with me. I feel like the ‘blog’ phase where “everyone has a blog” has kind of fizzled out a bit, so it’s fitting that I come in now. I started this for myself only. Where the connect comes back into play is, I’ve been teetering back and forth on this idea for many years and I have mainly just been bullshitting myself the whole time. Some of the smartest and most successful people in the world write every day, but just because I didn’t think I was good enough, I never pulled the trigger. Until now. So this is where I’m going to come to write about what is going on in my mind based on the world around me. It’s my offering of a unique perspective, from where I’ve ever been to whatever I’ve ever seen and errrything I’ve ever heard. My 8 years in the Air Force alone has put me in some of the most rewarding positions I could have ever imagined as a terd growing up, and I look forward to bringing that to the table(no pun intended(because my blog’s name is The Kid’s Table, you see?)). It’s weird that I’m just having this amazing epiphany as I write this right now… or is it weird? But back to my ego making me write this dang thang. It is part ego, fuck it, it’s all ego. But I have had way too many people show me that they believe in me for me to keep sitting on my hands.

I do hope that this website is seen by as many eyeballsacks as possible. I’m not here to bullshit or mislead anyone, I’m only offering my opinion. And here’s the thing about opinions– is that some of them are beautiful, Michelangelic in their ways of bleachness and puckerdom; and some of them are just plain old shitty as fuck and they fuckin’ stink! I’ll talk about anything and everything as long as it doesn’t get me assassinated. I’m here to have some fun and please don’t take everything I say (too) seriously. If you don’t speak sarcasm, then you’re going to absolutely love my writing.

So do you guys even realize what’s happening in Australia right now!? Was just burnin’ a fattie while the Discovery Channel danced to my ears in the background. The parrots in that continent that I believe you can also call a country but I could be mistaken are interesting as fuck is what’s happening in Australia, by the way.

Birds are just interesting in general. An interesting fact about me is that my favorite bird is a blue jay. But that’s neither here nor there. The Palm Cockatoo are lit.

If you ever get a chance, try and pull up some Palm Cockatoo footage. A lot of you may not know this about me, but I’m a pretty nice guy– I did it for you. OMG right? If you want the full effect, get really high first:

The whole time I’m watching this, I reach a point where I just couldn’t take it and I busted out laughing. Can you HEAR these things!? They sit there with there sick ass mohawks and look at each other talkin’ ’bout “Helloooooo” allllllll day, by the looks of it. That is hillair. I don’t know, though- I’ve got a sick sense of humor. (This is the actual clip I was watching. I love how the narrator has the thickest accent ever, and he cracks these corny-but-so-corny-that-its-actually-making-me-laugh one-liners as he announced their moves.)

Also relevant in today’s news, we are in fact still dropping bombs every day and war sucks. Let’s have less war, but in the meantime, parrots!

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been called crazy.

Well… This has been real fun. I’m Nick Muller.

Go fuck yourself, San Diego.