Archive for category: Uncategorized

Jimminy H. Crickets

 

I stumbled upon this video last night.  The last time I went to see a doctor during a 72-hour fast, she told me that fasting wasn’t healthy and went on to Rx me various muscle relaxers, antihistamines, and pain killers/blood thinners like ibuprofen.  My blood came back clean, and I didn’t know what world she was living in because I felt fine.  That was about 15 months ago.  I wish I had known it at the time, because 3 years before my doctor told me fasting wasn’t healthy, the one referenced in the helpful video above won a fucking Nobel Prize for his lifetime-dedicated research on the contrary.  So, now I’m fucking confused as fucking shit, whoever reads this is probably fucking confused as fucking shit, and I’m arguing that it’s just a bunch of fucking confused shits out here and it stinks and it’s chaotic and I don’t like it.  Would someone care to explain?  Maybe someone educated and trained in analyzing health problems?  Fuck– Perhaps the WHO!?  Bueller?  Bueller?  Mueller 3?

CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP

This helps explain it a little bit, when I asked the internet:

 

I drive a foreign car, it’s no big deal.

 

A funny thing happened in my Spanish class today.  It was all normal until 35 minutes into a lesson on formulating sentences, in trying to conjugate the verb ‘correr’ (‘to run’), the Wild Card of the class randomly blurted out that he drives a BMW for a car.  It wasn’t like he just whispered it to the students sitting nearby, as if they were having a side-conversation about transportation means while the professor taught the Spanish language around them; no, the mother fucker straight up blurted it out like a Saturday Night Live character in a dysfunctional family dinner table skit.  As if his car-make and extracurricular hobby were hands-down the answer for the professor’s question to the class.

Half the class was asleep, half the class looked at one another, but the whole class had no idea.  I really had a long laugh.

Too long of one if I’m being honest.  It went like this:

 

Professor:  “Does everyone understand what conjugation is going on here with ‘correr todos los–”

Wild Card:  –“BMW!  I DRIVE A B-M-W!”

Girl Who Sits Across From Wild Card:  “She’s talking!”

Wild Card (without regard):  “I’M JUST SAYIN’, DOES ANYONE ELSE DRIVE A B-M-W?!

Girl Who Sits Across From Wild Card:  “Don’t nobody give a damn about your B-M-W.”

Professor:  “Calm down!”

/Everyone calmed back down to normal…

//…till about 15 minutes later, after that whole quick scenario dissolved as soon as the professor chimed in, like a Super Trooper who needed to squeeze in his 10th “meow” to seal the win on a friendly bet that was just made with a quirky co-worker, he gave us all one more “B-M-W!” with a grin on his face.  I think I was giggling for 2 entire minutes before ‘the funnies’ left and I was back to focusing on hablando español.

People are so beautifully unpredictable!  My Spanish class is very diverse with an abundance of different personalities and cultural backgrounds, so naturally, it’s usually quite a hoot.  Collectively as a class, we are all one large slow-moving dysfunctional Spanglish-speaking unit, but nothing can top the honey badger sentiments of Wild Card.

If this helps, when I say unpredictable/when I think about who Wild Card from my Spanish class reminds me of, I immediately compare him to this dude:

Live. Love. Laugh.

“I have nothing to offer anyone except my own confusion.” -Jack Kerouac, On The Road

 

 

Food Labels

Also.

One fact Mr. Phoenix left out about cows, is that something interesting grows from their poop and we just can’t be having any of that in a land of free and brave people because that’s more schedule-1-dangerous than erratic, unscheduled nuclear war.

stay weird

You can watch “What The Health” for free or whatever that means on YouTube. Find the link yourself, you lazy ass fuck.

Okay.  Here is the link. Jesus….https://youtu.be/X1QDkpUPiI8

Eat your veggies, kiddies.

“Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily… what was life again?”

How are we supposed to row our boats again?

Annnnnywho.

So much to do, so much to see, so here’s me taking the backstreets for now by posting a video of someone else cruising the main roads.

Yes. That’s right.  Bill Hicks.  Bill Hicks.  Bill Hicks.  A motherfucking Will-i-am.

 

PS- How do you like this new webpage layout?  Shoutout to Toby Valora for coming through in the absolút clutch.

 

pizza party

Jeff Daniels is normally a funny man but he’s not laughing in this video. Sometimes the joke just ain’t funny anymore, America… Earth… Milky Way Galaxy… Universe. Whoever is listening.