First day of school vibes still running strong on the second day, I popped in my new wireless earbuds (spoiler alert- I was hesitant to buy wireless because I will misplace my phone when I’m listening to music due to my nature of putting the smart phone down in random places because I only need it when it’s time to check something or change the tune, which reminds me, can we please stop calling them smart phones and just call them the portable computers that they are? they’re miniature tablets that have an app that allows you to make phone calls like the old devices we used to make phone calls with– the cellular phone- dubbed so because of the cell battery used to power the phone-calling capabilities it fucking was). if these are smart phones, what the fuck are we calling the users?
I just parked my dumbass car in the last open parking spot in the entire lot, I am convinced, but I was running ahead of schedule and gave myself some leeway in time just for this exact reason, shoutout PLAN AHEA, and the one time I’m not in a rush to class because I planned ahead, I drop my mini tablet out of the un-zipped front pocket that is un-zipped only because I have procrastinated to fix zipper that went off-track for oh, well over a year now, but the portable computer hit the ground with a negative sound, due to the fact that I was blaring The Black Album (shoutout HOV) in both of my ears in the cutting-edge fool-proof technology that is my new wireless earbuds.
If anyone finds my phone and notices the THEE KIDS TABLE stickers on the back and makes their way to this post, please feel free to send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ll surely take care of you. The pictures and videos on that thing are worth trillions… of words.
Immediate afterthought edit:
Right after I checked the school lost and found to see if anyone turned it in, by they way, I’m 99.9% sure I saw someone pick up the phone and b-line back towards the school, and shortly after that my headphones cut out and lost signal. It was devastating.
The positive note is, the girl was kind of cute, and right after I check the lost and found I found a brand new Trojan Magnum under the chair I stopped to sit in. Okay, I stopped to sit in the chair because I saw the gold foil under the chair and I needed a condom just in case.