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Woahly shit.  There’s such a thing as the World Health Organization(WHO)?  Well, apparently there is, because after a devastating World War II, men at a United Nations round table decided it’d be a good idea to create an organization to keep the world healthy, and so promptly, 3 years later, the WHO came to fruition and blossomed to what it is today and the world is full of healthiness everywhere the eye can see.  It’s really assuring to know, and by God they must have one helluvan agenda with their having to spread their healthy influence across the globe.  Evidently speaking, though, they are just a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit behind in their work, so busy with their behind-the-scenes action (ironically, I’ve been so keen on getting healthy and watching my diet) that I never even knew they were back there working their global magic in the first place!  But, oh my dear Hell, what a relief, It’s nice to see them step into the mainstream when times are their toughest, so WHO can let us know they’re “fighting” this virus super duper hard.  Lord knows they’ve got a lot on their plate.  I mean, shit- 5,082 deaths?  That’s like 80 “chronically-ill” people a day!  Woah!!!!  How horrible it is to see chronically ill people being put out of their misery.  They should weigh in on global war sometime, after this major crisis is over with, of course.  I think it’s important that We, THEE human race, keep our priorities straight like they’ve totally always been.

Some “virus experts” are comparing this to war… which I find fucking interesting as shit.  I would beg to differ that there are more serious health topics than a disease that primarily kills infants, infirms, and people who vacation on cruise ships.  I mean, shit- babies and withered people– that’s the backbone of the world’s ability to revolve around the sun… maybe we should stop all traffic and solve this problem so we can get back to reporting our other-usually-horrifying news, like exploiting poor countries for all of their resources so that, down the line, the wealthy people with $pace-money can leave us all here to burn up when the sun explodes (just a hunch).  Remember how stars explode and the sun is a star?  Boring, I know.

Anywho.  Go sports!  Go freedom!  Go greatness! Greatness, it’s your motherfucking birthday, homie, stand up and give us a speeeeeeeeech!!!!!!

On the plus side, since the whole world is looking to shut down business for a few days to let this whole thing rid itself of itself, it’s a perfect time to take a vacation.  I heard 1-week cruises are going cheap as Heaven!  I don’t have $40 to burn and plus they don’t allow weed through customs because it’s schedule-1-dangerous, you see, so I won’t be going myself.  Perhaps the WHO could weigh in on cannabis and its dangerous-ness from Geneva sometime so that we may finally quarantine the world of all the devastating hemp products.  Even the most comfortable hemp-made t-shirts people are wearing as we speak could kill you, or even worse– an infant, or an infirm.  Because cannabis is super duper dangerous.  Way more dangerous than anything you could even imagine.  Except for water in Flint, MI.  I know that crisis started many years ago, but the WHO is all over it (since 1948)!!!!!!!

#BlitzSpirit

5,082 virus deaths worldwide/ 7,700,000,000 people in the world= .00000066% of the population (over ~2 months time)

126,214 virus cases worldwide/ 7,700,000,000 people in the world= .000016% of the population (over ~2 months time)

647,000 heart disease deaths in America / 327,200,000 Americans = .0019% of the American population (each year)

CORONAVIRUS IN THE WHOLE WORLD AIN’T GOT SHIT ON POOR FITNESS AND DIET IN AMERICA!!!!!

This is good Kool-Aid.

How are we supposed to row our boats again?

Annnnnywho.

So much to do, so much to see, so here’s me taking the backstreets for now by posting a video of someone else cruising the main roads.

Yes. That’s right.  Bill Hicks.  Bill Hicks.  Bill Hicks.  A motherfucking Will-i-am.

It’s an old video of Bill Hicks in a rare recording from 1993 in his last ever standup routine.  Cancer took over shortly after this video was recorded.  Then the internet had to be invented.  Then YouTube.  Then someone had to convert the video into a digital file.  Then they uploaded it… and then…
right fucking now, nearly 30 years after it all went down, I have posted it in this goddamned very “BLOG” post.

Anywho– the video shows that it’s an hour and 46 minutes long, but it’s really just shy of an hour and then it restarts because the person who graciously uploaded it just so happened to do it that way.  The entire hour is gold if you decide you want to restart it from the very beginning (I’d recommend it), but I started the clip purposely at 57′, in the gusto of the show to grab your fucking attention, you see.  It’s not about legal hemp, but that’s part of it, yawwwwwwww.  Guilty.  You caught me!  But as Bill Hicks also predicts, (as it has been predicted and emphasized in the past by several other great human beings (Jack Harer, a veteran of war, from the 70s until his recent passing this decade, of www.jackharer.com, to name the most renowned that comes to mind)), if HEMP is LEGALIZED, the WORLD will FIX itself— starting with the economy.

Please do humor your self with a few minutes of Bill Hicks.  It’s a perfect video for people burning company time by taking extra-long breaks… well, stop calling them restrooms, mother fuckers.  !Stick it to the man!, here’s Big Willie Style alllll gettin jiggy with his damn self a.k.a. it:

 

What is most intriguing to me, is how these issues have not been solved since they happened 30 years ago– meaning they’re still fucking relevant today.  What else does that mean?  The same people that were on TV when I was a kid are still hosting shows 30 years later.  Coincidence? OHHHHH MOST DEFINITELY ANOTHER COINCIDENCE! GOSH THERE ARE SO MANY AREN’T THERE? LOLLLLLLLLL  Try to imagine being born the same year FDRoosevelt was inaugurated and then he’s still the president when you’re 16 years old (that actually happened).

Why is this so fucking hard to figure out?  Watch Bill Hicks’ final hour of live comedy and have your senses tickled to near-death as he lyrically crafts a movement with sweeping vocal brush-strokes of abrasive troooooooth.  TRUTH.  THIS MAN WAS [A MEMBER OF] THE TRUTH. 

 

PS- How do you like this new webpage layout?  Shoutout to Toby Valora for coming through in the absolút clutch.

 

I’ve been busy battling life, just like you and you and you. Here’s Bill Hicks.

Fucking A. Jesus H Tits.

I’m truly sorry. Did that get your attention? Areeeeeeeeeeeet-tah, here’s what I got for ya’s.

First of all, if any of you social warriors out there haven’t heard of Dick Gregory yet, you need to get a fuckin’ grip, okay? Fucking check god damn Mate, no questions asked. And suck my dick all the way to the bank I do not care, because I can not be any more serious right now.

It’s like our mom’s always say, Sticks and Stones, kids! Sticks and Stones! But words… but words… man they fucking KILL people, amirite!? Shout out to Chris Joseph, man, I miss reading your shit and I remember the days when I used to give a fuck about the organization where grown men throw around pointy leather sacks of air, until I was too busy watching nuclear weapons testing exercises to ensure we essentially don’t get Hiroshima’d all to Hell. I mean literally, I was one of the few cubicles with an office that had it’s back to all the movies and games, but damn, actually lucky me. If you’re interested in reading any of this, that’s fantastic. Here’s what I just wrote with the pen after I smoked -Imean- after -er my friend wrote it after he smoked LOL OMG.

Remember– Voicemails don’t have to suck.

“It’s a brilliant idea. I tell them “you ain’t ready”, Then, While I get ready, I come clean and admit to everyone that it was actually me who wasn’t ready, but not till after I’m ready like, “Okah, I’m ready now -you said you were ready back then but now I’m actually ready and not lying, and they’re like “wait how do I know you’re not lying now?, And I’m like you just gotta believe me, it’s the only answer that actually makes sense, But No, seriously though you just have to believe me.”””””””””””””””””””””””””””

I’m fuck ready!…almost Soon.

No, seriously though Let’s fuckin go.

This concludes my free-writing session.

Please don’t hate me, the title is a mechanism/trap/contraption to test my theory that I’ll get in some sort of trouble for saying that in the title when really I’m respectfully paying tribute to Dick Gregory and raising awareness on what his message holds and means. And that’s not to say he’s the best, I just don’t think enough of you mother fuckers have heard of him yet. It’s not enough till all of you know, as far as I’m concerned. And there are more tributes to come, and I promise to stop using the word nigger* from here on out. I love Mark Twain but it’s just not the look I’m going for right now. If none of this made you laugh, here’s Llaila Afrika.

If you laughed at any of this, here’s Dick Gregory.

The point is, we have a lot of things that need to be corrected. Rest in Paradise, Harry Anslinger and FDR, our guardian angels. And Ask Jeeves is making a comeback, you heard it here first, but ask Jeeves my grandfather Warren Delano if you really care about this country… he was a war hero, you know? “And I’m prooooud t’be Anne-Americannn, where at least I know I’m–” shut the fuck up.

Can someone please help me wrap my head around all of this?

Ohhhhhh… it was NAGGERS. Nevermind… woohphhh, that’s my bad!!!!!!!

Arguably single-handedly the greatest South Park skit of all time.

RIP To Ryan Muller who taught me the importance of free-writing. GOD DAMN I feel so much better right now. I was fucking losin’ it back there!

Stay classy, San Diego.