Tag Archive for: irony


Crownvirus says who? WHO, that’s who.

Woahly shit.  There’s such a thing as the World Health Organization(WHO)?  Well, apparently there is, because after a devastating World War II, men at a United Nations round table decided it’d be a good idea to create an organization to keep the world healthy, and so promptly, 3 years later, the WHO came to fruition and blossomed to what it is today and the world is full of healthiness everywhere the eye can see.  It’s really assuring to know, and by God they must have one helluvan agenda with their having to spread their healthy influence across the globe.  Evidently speaking, though, they are just a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit behind in their work, so busy with their behind-the-scenes action (ironically, I’ve been so keen on getting healthy and watching my diet) that I never even knew they were back there working their global magic in the first place!  But, oh my dear Hell, what a relief, It’s nice to see them step into the mainstream when times are their toughest, so WHO can let us know they’re “fighting” this virus super duper hard.  Lord knows they’ve got a lot on their plate.  I mean, shit- 5,082 deaths?  That’s like 80 “chronically-ill” people a day!  Woah!!!!  How horrible it is to see chronically ill people being put out of their misery.  They should weigh in on global war sometime, after this major crisis is over with, of course.  I think it’s important that We, THEE human race, keep our priorities straight like they’ve totally always been.

Some “virus experts” are comparing this to war… which I find fucking interesting as shit.  I would beg to differ that there are more serious health topics than a disease that primarily kills infants, infirms, and people who vacation on cruise ships.  I mean, shit- babies and withered people– that’s the backbone of the world’s ability to revolve around the sun… maybe we should stop all traffic and solve this problem so we can get back to reporting our other-usually-horrifying news, like exploiting poor countries for all of their resources so that, down the line, the wealthy people with $pace-money can leave us all here to burn up when the sun explodes (just a hunch).  Remember how stars explode and the sun is a star?  Boring, I know.

Anywho.  Go sports!  Go freedom!  Go greatness! Greatness, it’s your motherfucking birthday, homie, stand up and give us a speeeeeeeeech!!!!!!

On the plus side, since the whole world is looking to shut down business for a few days to let this whole thing rid itself of itself, it’s a perfect time to take a vacation.  I heard 1-week cruises are going cheap as Heaven!  I don’t have $40 to burn and plus they don’t allow weed through customs because it’s schedule-1-dangerous, you see, so I won’t be going myself.  Perhaps the WHO could weigh in on cannabis and its dangerous-ness from Geneva sometime so that we may finally quarantine the world of all the devastating hemp products.  Even the most comfortable hemp-made t-shirts people are wearing as we speak could kill you, or even worse– an infant, or an infirm.  Because cannabis is super duper dangerous.  Way more dangerous than anything you could even imagine.  Except for water in Flint, MI.  I know that crisis started many years ago, but the WHO is all over it (since 1948)!!!!!!!


5,082 virus deaths worldwide/ 7,700,000,000 people in the world= .00000066% of the population (over ~2 months time)

126,214 virus cases worldwide/ 7,700,000,000 people in the world= .000016% of the population (over ~2 months time)

647,000 heart disease deaths in America / 327,200,000 Americans = .0019% of the American population (each year)


This is good Kool-Aid.

Progressive Congressional Digression

I live in a city that’s investing billions into the downtown/waterfront section of town, but my amigo and I avoided 6 car accidents taking Columbus Dr from 15th St to fuckin’ Dale Mabry. Who is in charge, something is fucked here, let’s please start spreading the wealth out more. Oh, AND the book store was closed when we got there… ironically, it was closed because the building didn’t have internet capabilities. A store that sells books closed because there wasn’t internet? You can’t make this up, folks, I’m sorry, you just can’t. Even though we still made the best of the trip and beer and pizza was involved, I said “fuck it, I’m off the diet, the universe wants me to be happy tonight” because you know happy or sane, pick just-one? anyways, that was last night and I chose happiness. Today, I began my 3-day-long fast to carry me to the full-moon with super powers, thus I have chosen sanity this time. You do the math. Don’t be discouraged from trying to wrap your mind around that. It may require thinking, it may not, but I hope it does. For more information on the power of fasting, see: Dick Gregory. I digress…

So… I was outside smoking this afternoon, soaking in the sun when I noticed a peculiar honey bee floating by like a drunken blimp operator, like- one who has been secretly getting drunk on the job but he’s so good at what he does and he’s so drunk always that he’s what some doctors would call a ‘functional alcoholic’ who happens to always sticks the landing on the flowers with such amazing grace and beauty, one yellow flower to the next. It was so imperfectly beautiful.

Then- I thought- my God, I’d give my middle nut for an easy schedule like the one a honey bee has, so that so I didn’t have to care so much about human life and what all it takes to get by in this society. Can you imagine the difference? 1. Wake up– check. Or do I just not ever sleep and sip that honey mead bees probably get drunk on in the hive most nights. Either way– check. What next? 2. Fly to some flowers? K, so- go drag my nuts across a bunch of flowers while I ‘fly amazingly through the air’ to a bunch more flowers for what I assume is all day long? Do we know for sure if these bees are not slave-driven? Are they seriously programmed in such a way that they love flowers so much that they’ll risk getting swatted or eaten just so the queen is happy? Are we aware if possibly the bees are addicted to what I would call getting some of that good ol’ bee-pussy, there can’t be anything better than crawling around on a flower that’s the same size as your whole body [as a bee], unless that mead sizzurp is really that good, either way, do we know what’s going on in that hive of theirs? I digress…

Then- I thought- but are they so unsober, are they so un-intelligently programmed by some greater being intentionally on a molecular/chemical level, so unaware of the dangers they face in their journey outside the gates of the proverbial Hive, do we know for sure there isn’t some super-addictive euphoric bee-feeling that they get from flying around to giant flowers all day? They’ll risk their lives for that high so the queen is happy? She gloaks inside the walls sippin sizzurp all day, maybe it’s a fair trade but what makes her so special? I imagine that they probably don’t have any idea that by simply watching one of them buzzers fly around today, it literally made me think about all of this specific content you’re reading right now that comes from sharing this free-written writing session. I like to think the bees are happy doing what they do because when ya put it on paper, it doesn’t sound like such a bad gig, but I think we’re missing part of the bee-hive story. But that’s in my perfect world, so assuming that isn’t the case on account of I can promise anyone with my life that this is the furthest thing from a world just that, promising you that it’s not a perfect world– I’d like to propose that maybe bees have a serious flower addiction and I think they need our help. I digress.

But then- I thought- it’s not up to me to decide what’s best for the bees. That’s up to the bees. We have to fix the human things first then we can help the bees. To stay on the Louis CK subject, it’s like we’re in a plane and the plane’s about to have an emergency happen and the fuckin’ airbags drop down with the tube and the mask and all that shit, or like in the military when we used to have to do our gas mask tests in case we were going to unknowingly engage in chemical warfare with people we don’t know, something like that, where you’re supposed to make sure you have a proper seal on your own mask before you stop and help others get a seal with theirs if they’re struggling to remain calm and cool enough to actually save their own life– to stay on that subject– don’t you just sometimes wish you’d rather pass out from shock and not being smart enough to save your own life by simply putting on a mask properly, and not-so-very-consequently your reward for not being able to put to figure something simple out is being unconscious when you slam into a fuckin building full of our neighbors with a giant aircraft, something like the World Trade Center if that helps? Sounds like a catch-22 if you ask me.

I’ve been to Hell and back and then some. I just don’t know why I keep coming back. Well, I used to know, then I used to not know, and now I think I know again. It’s nice to be back but not really. One day we’ll fix all of this, I’m sure…

Oh yeah, https://theekidstable.com/2018/01/26/the-turning-point-of-my-life/

I finally saw the movie Good Will Hunting the other night. I’ve read the book he references in the clip below two times. I feel like a broken record but one of these days, with any luck, people will start to take their veterans of war seriously. Till then… weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*.

*/Shout out to Chris Joseph @FinsNation

Rest In Paradise, Ryan Muller. I’m doing my best in your name and I can only hope there is an afterlife that we can laugh about this all together sometime. I am sorry I did not listen.  I’m still learning from that mistake.*