Tag: norm macdonald

Too Good.

Some brilliant satirical comedy from Norm MacDonald and Kurt Vonnegut, followed by me blowing off some steam about this chick I used to know.

“You think the ancient Romans were smart? Look at how dumb their numbers were. One theory of why they declined and fell is that their plumbing was lead. The root of our word plumbing is plumbum, the Latin word for “lead”. Lead poisoning makes people stupid and lazy. What’s your excuse?”

-Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

Michiganders please shush up, don’t rain on my parade here.

Last week, I was logged onto a social media platform and was reading a post made by this really cute and fun chick I dated once or twice, and really did like spending time with, was asking her fellow social media performance artists for advice and/or money gifting so that her and her boyfriend could travel the world for free.

I had really good advice for her but I bit my tongue. Or whatever it is you bite when you refrain from popping off at the finger-tips with a sarcastic comment from a thousand miles away. I was traveling at the time when I held my tongue or whatever. Traveling on Uncle Sam’s dime. What they don’t tell us kids, though, is that our great Uncle Sam is a rapist. “You gotta pay the troll toll if ya wanna travel for free, ya lil bitch.” That’s what I wanted to say. It’s just more appropriate if I say it here. Safe bet.

Read this book. Please. Cheap copies at the link below:
https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/timequake_kurt-vonnegut/249234/#isbn=0425164349&idiq=2792893

Enjoying your summer? Stay classy, ma’fockuhz.
Sooner or later I’ll get around to making this website more better n stuff.

Nick’s Top Netflix Picks

A nice article where I praise the fine blue work done by a few of our Nation’s heroes. #BlueLivesMatter

crown pleaser

Now– I love the law as much as the next guy, but there’s nothin’ like a good ol’ Hawaii Five-Oh, ya know what I mean?  Maybe I’m not using that in the right context, whoop whoop.

A good quote even more gooder if you read it in a Jeff Foxworthy voice:

“When you realize it’s a cop on a motorcycle pulling you over for not wearing a seat belt, you might be living in a police state.”

 

As for blue lives mattering, yes, I value them just as much as I value all of the rest of the lives of the people who do their own thing and keep their noses out of my own thing.  All* lives matter.  I do realize that these police are under a ton of stress and public scrutiny, but the point is, the stress is unnecessary and the scrutiny is totally called for.  Have a conversation with anyone who handled a firearm and followed the Rules of Engagement of traditional warfare in the conflict taking place in the Middle East, ask them how it’d go if they shot an unarmed citizen for no good reason.  We add it to our own plate and then we force-feed our own fat cocksuckers with our own fat shootin’ hands and we lick our trigger-happy-finger-tips clean of all the bullshit dripping off of them and we smile and we demand more and we are number one, ~protect and ~serve!  Whatever I have to say, let me know.  Something needs to change.

*you may interpret this as you interpret any Holy scripture, or the law so I’ve heard.  If you’re a lawyer, which I am not, but I heard you’re able to take the written word of the law and interpret it however you want as long as you have a credibility in doing so… because what I’m hearing is that it’s not what the words mean when they’re said, read, or written– it’s how the words are interpreted and it’s what you can prove in the court of l— well, sort of.  Eventually I’m sure they’ll realize what a mess all of this is and they’ll start to fix it up, I’m sure.  We have nothing to worry about whatsoever, why should we worry about a thing?  We’re Americans, we shouldn’t have to worry.  But that’s just how I am interpreting the trends I’ve been noticing.

Last word:  I’m in the market to speak with someone who can bake muffins that look like hand grenades.  (That is a joke.)

Remember folks, there is truth in every joke.